The problem
Being a good man and being experienced as an attractive partner are not the same thing.
When “chill” reads as disinterested
You don't want to come on too strong, so you keep things easy and low-key. From her side, easy and low-key can look a lot like you don't particularly care either way. Calm is attractive. Flat is not.
When trying not to seem needy hides your interest
You wait a day to text back. You don't say you had a great time. Somewhere along the way, protecting yourself turned into making her guess. Most women don't want to guess.
When you're focused on impressing her instead of connecting with her
Your career, your travel, your plans. It's all true, and it's all a little like a job interview. People remember how they felt with you far longer than what you told them.
When every text becomes a puzzle you can't stop solving
You reread her message four times, draft three replies, and ask a friend. That energy is understandable, but it usually leaks out, and it makes dating feel like a test you're always about to fail.
When your good intentions land differently than you meant them
You meant respectful. She felt hesitant. You meant generous. She felt pressure. The gap between intent and impact is where most of the useful work happens.
If you've gotten frustrated enough to start believing the problem is women, or the apps, or that dating is rigged, I understand how you got there. I'd just gently point out that the conclusion costs you something. If the problem is entirely out of your hands, there is nothing for you to do. I'd rather help you find the parts that are in your hands.
If some of this sounded familiar, that's useful information.
Let's look at what's happening in your situation specifically.
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